BAD BLOOD
I hated my brother like Cain hated Abel
Until our new brother-in-law came to the table.
His name is Fred and he drove us both crazy
Hogging our Thanksgiving stuffing and gravy.
For the longest time it was us against him,
Until right next door some oddballs moved in.
They never mowed their lawn or pulled their weeds,
Or attended to their other landscaping needs.
We fostered a feud that would sear your soul
Until our team finally made it to the Super Bowl.
Then the neighborhood decided to despise
Everybody rooting for the other guys.
That battle lasted until our whole team got traded,
When out of nowhere our country was invaded.
Tanks and missiles made life pretty hard;
Nobody could properly take care of their yard.
Our ragged resistance fought with distinction
Until three-headed aliens nearly caused our extinction,
By making a radioactive crater
Out of most of the Equator.
Life for humanity could hardly get worse,
But then we got beat by a parallel universe.
The folks over there would brook no dissension,
And enslaved us all in the seventh dimension.
Now every last human and three-headed overlord
Keeps busy sowing seeds of inter-universal discord.
Yet despite this dismal state of affairs,
When Fred hogs the gravy my temper still flares.
