INCOMPOTABLE WE
Our incompotability is certainly no mystery
When you consider our libational history.
From our honeymoon to every New Year’s Eve,
We debate drink selection til it’s time to leave.
When I’m burning for a Bloody Mary,
You want something with a maraschino cherry.
When I plan a trip to old Bombay,
You take off for Chardonnay.
(But when I order wine straight from the factory,
All you want is a retail daiquiri!)
Whenever I consult my mentor, Dr. Beam,
You’re in a meeting with Coffee, Kahlua, and Cream.
When I’m up to my eyeballs in microbrew beers,
You have pina coladas coming out your ears.
When I’m alone sipping scotch til my wits meander,
You’re watching Hallmark with Brandy Alexander.
When I’m on the wagon,
You’re on wine time twenty-four-seven.
And when you’re in the midst of your quarterly cleanse,
I’m done with a six-pack by ten to eleven.
That time we agreed on martinis
I thought we were cured.
But then we argued about olives –
My confidence was shaken and your anger stirred.
Because of our divergent tastes
Too much time has gone to waste.
I think when it comes to alcohol
We’re better off drinking none at all.
